His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
