Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
