Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
