So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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