I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
