I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize