someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
All the doctor said was why
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
