Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
