your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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