Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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