he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
