This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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