I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
