i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
