There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
