Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
