how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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