Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
