I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
