If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
