Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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