Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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