needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
