Swine flu. Run for my life!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
