what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
