when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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