6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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