he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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