i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
