It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
