It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
