yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
