the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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