he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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