walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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