I think I am morally bankrupt
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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