i don't like sucking hair
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
