my mouth tastes like poor choices
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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