he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize