Just fell off a train. Bad.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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