areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
