Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
