I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
