sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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