let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
