He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
