Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
