I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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