my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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