I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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