Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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