Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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