idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
