i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
