It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
