I'm passing your future prison.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
