Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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