I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
