omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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