New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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