you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
