I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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