dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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