i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
