The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
