Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
