If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize