you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
