She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
