TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
