just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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