I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize