His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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