Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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