Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
