Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
