yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
