dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
