I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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