You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
