i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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