how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize