Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
