I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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