mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
