hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
