You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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