So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
