My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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