We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
