He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
